Saturday, April 28, 2007

My Freedom and Right to Speech!!!!


I am very upset, in my last entry, which i had deleted, but added back in, with some changes, I changed all the first names even though that doesn't really say much. But anyway in that entry I talked about how Ajs big from BBBS became too attached to my son, well I chose to end the match Sunday, and I told the case worker that, and by my agreeing to come into the office today was my assumption that this was closure on their part, because I had made it very clear to her that I would not be changing my mind about the match. Well I walked in there and the president or some higher up, I was so upset by the meeting that I just don't remember the names besides my current case worker and the old one. I was surprised to know that she was there, but anyway she starts by asking me what brought this on, and I told her about last weekend and how that was the last straw for me and then talking with my son, opened up new concerns that even Aj was uncomfortable with. So then she spills this...................someone found my blog, researched online for my blog and it came to the attention of the National office!! and then she asks me to remove the entry, well I was really upset by this time, but kept my cool, even though I was thinking why on earth would someone decided to go after me, finding a blog that is me and my thoughts, and I have every right to say as I please, this is a free country and I have freedom of speech, that is why i put the entry back on but did take out the first names............anyway I kept my cool, and continued on, and I also made it very clear to them, that I was not blaming them, or BBBS that I think its a great program that really helps out kids..............and that I was not faulting them for any way they handled the background checks on the Big or anything, but that Ajs big brother was just not emotionally ready to handle being matched.

I also said that I do not feel that he is a pervert in any way, although others have expressed that concern, (my friends and stuff) but that I think he is an intelligent guy and I am sure a good person, but with my son he just became too emotionally involved. I talked to his sister at a basketball game one time and she said he is a great guy, but very shy and wanted kids of his own very badly. So with Aj I think he saw him as HIS son, which he mentioned a few times...............he also mentioned that he thinks he and my sons match was very different than other matches, that theirs held a special bond and was not in any way to be compared to other matches!!! When i told the case worker about this, she didn't seem too bothered by it, so I guess I just thought i was over reacting to the comment..............I don't see it that way now.

So, any way i told them this and they brought him in and told him the match was over, although they made it sound like they were the ones "dematching" them, which was not true, I ended the match last weekend. So he then left and then one of the supervisors told me that Aj would no longer be able to be part of the BBBS program!!! WHAT!!! Why is my son being punished for this??? She said I broke the rules by allowing a sleep over when she said no unless they went through the case worker, so my old case worker dances around it by saying she didn't give permission......WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE...........she called him which he told her what they were doing, and she called me and I told her myself and she said that sounded fine with her, but now she is dancing around at this point I am about to stand up and I tell them that I might as well leave now, because I did not agree to come only so they can say this was my fault, or punish myself or my son................the supervisor and I had a very tiny arguement, and I calmed down and sat down while they were waiting on the president or whoever the lady was to come back in from walking him out.

By this time, I am hurt and angry!!!! but I don't let it show, if I did I would have started crying right there, and I told them that now I have to go tell my son that he cannot go back on the waiting list and he will want to know why, and I did nothing they kinda backed off from that saying if a future match were to happen that rules would be set, and also asked me if i would want to meet the future Big before he met my son................I again told them i was nor was I ever saying that I think they did anything wrong with the initial back ground check or anything with checking him out, although I am started to think that maybe because his father is involved with the program and has been for some time now that maybe that played a role in this............since my old case worker brought his dad up a lot.

So the lady comes back in and more was said, and I was about ready to leave, and feeling really horrible by this time that these people could make me feel like I was the bad guy, I was fighting back tears, and I was fighting back anger! But I was polite and calm and then the kicker of the meeting..................hearing my old case worker talk about how he was just such a great guy, and he could have done so many wonderful things in the program and now he wont be able to be involved at all and how sad that was, and how she wished someone would have stood up for him!!! OMG Did I hear her right???????? She made it sound like this was my fault!!! or maybe she was feeling guilty...............guilty for allowing the match to go on for so long, lord knows I do!!!! But what on earth made her think that someone needed to stand up for him after what he put my son and I threw????? What on earth made her think it was ok for this man to argue with me every chance he got about my son................. What on earth made her think that he was ready to be a match for someone?? What on earth made her think this was my fault!!!

I walked out of there with my head held high, but cried getting into my dare these people make me feel like I was the bad guy here and poor him was the victim!!! I was shocked that they could do this...........intentionally or unintentionally they made me feel horrible!! and I wanted so badly to tell them off, but I don't want to do that..................I felt bad for the new case worker.

but I decided today after that meeting, that i no longer feel comfortable having my son in the program, so I left a message with the case worker telling her so.

They had no right to make me feel this way, or to even think my son could no longer be matched with another Big.................I did nothing wrong here and neither did my son. I tried to work with this man and the case worker, but felt like she was more emotionally involved with him since he had been volunteering in the office as well, and she said she was getting to know him better. and maybe this clouded her judgement, maybe because she had told me in the past how she has known him through his father for a long time...................

I still cannot believe some of the things that were said..................I think they handled this very poorly. I still think the whole program is a good one for kids, but this office apparently has some issues, if they feel that making the parent feel like the bad guy is the right thing to do.

I stand up for my child!!! and I feel like I should have ended this match long ago, but my case worker at the time talked me out of it, and said we should have a meeting, so now I feel like she was not fighting for my son, but for the big brother. I should have listened to my gut feeling, I should have listened to my friends and family! but the shouldves will stop and we will be just fine.

They had no right to ask me to remove my last entry, do they remember that the constitution says one of our unalienable rights is Freedom of Speech? Maybe they feel guilty too................I don't know........i removed all the names, since that is one of the things she told him was that I blogged my feelings, and his name was what?? We all have first names and we all have last names, I am sure there are millions of guys in this city who share his first name..............does that mean I can't mention his name in my blog? Since when did our rights only become our rights when someone else gives them to us, do we need to get approval for everything we think or say?

I talked to my son tonight and he does not feel like he wants to be matched again, he knows I was upset, he saw me crying, and I did not tell him everything that was said, but I did tell him that they made me feel like the bad guy.................and that I felt so horrible and uncomfortable in that room..............I will not allow these people to make me feel that way any more.

I think they failed with my sons match...........i think their judgement was clouded by the fact that they knew this person, that they knew him through his father and then through him volunteering in the office. According to the old case worker they made it sound like they had to bring him in kicking and screaming to be matched, because he was not sure he was ready for it, maybe they should have listened more closely to him then.


I wish this man the best...........I hope he continues to open up to his family more...........but when a grown man tells my son that he loves him more than his own family, then I think he needs to come to grips with what it was he really wanted in this match? Did he want a little he could mentor and teach things to, or was he looking for a son? He let me son see his many moods and depression and that was not teaching him anything.


Anonymous said...

I say good for you that you stood up for your son! You need to stop feeling like the bad guy... you did what you needed to do. You are posting this blog for your friends and family, if someone else is reading it, then that is up to them. You are not posting for them. You might have saved another family from this man. No he might not be a pervert YET! But who knows what he is capable of? You went with your "Mom Intuition".. God gave that to you for a reason! I say more parents need to stand up for their children!

Anonymous said...

I think is is good for you too! I know the problems you were having. I just want to say a bit more about BBBS and AJ's big. More to the point his father, the one that has been in the program for a long time... He is a judge. I think it is more of a concern for the BBBS because of this. Researching for your blog, HA HA. It seems there not really worried about what YOU say, more with what his father says. I think the BBBS program is a good one also, but seems they need to set some better priorities.